


suckle pickle dickle diary of the fickle of the richter richie

by snapephobic



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Bisexual Richie Tozier, Diary/Journal, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, M/M, Sonia Kaspbrak Being Terrible, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, eddie's a dumbass, richie is also a dumbass
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:21:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 10,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25121557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snapephobic/pseuds/snapephobic
Summary: Eddie Kaspbrak is 16 when his therapist suggests that he write to his future self as an outlet. Chaos and self-recognition ensue.CURRENTLY ON (PERMANENT?) HAITUS AS OF 1/26/21
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak & The Losers Club, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Mike Hanlon/Stanley Uris, Richie Tozier/Stanley Uris
Comments: 12
Kudos: 44





	1. An Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> tw for a slur (i hate that i had to use it but i didn't know what other word to use)

7-6-1992  
Dear Future Eddie,

Hi. I’m Eddie Kaspbrak, age 16. But you’d know that, of course, looking at the time stamp. Anyways, my therapist said I need an outlet, and she suggested this, among other things, so here it is, I guess? I’m supposed to write this like a diary, only it’s to my future self, and I’ll hopefully read it someday and think about how horrible my life before adulthood was. But anyways, I guess I’ll just tell you a bit about me.

My full name is Edward Frank Kaspbrak. I was born on September 3rd, 1975. I live in Derry, Maine. I have brown hair and brown eyes, and I’m tan with a smattering of freckles on my cheeks. And yes, I did just use the word ‘smattering’. I’m going to regret that later, I can tell. I live with my mom, Sonia, who’s been feeding me fake pills my entire life, telling me that I’m sick, when I’m not. I mean, I have a poor immune system from being inside so much, but that’s about it. My favorite movie is any of the Star Wars movies, and my favorite song is I Will Always Love You, by Whitney Houston (which I know is stupid and that’s precisely which Richie will never know). 

I guess I should tell you about Richie. His full name is Richard Aaron Tozier, and he’s my best friend. He’s stupid and acts like a dumbass most of the time, but it’s been that way forever, and it would be impossible to try and change that. He also calls me nicknames like ‘Eddie Spaghetti’, ‘Eduardo’, and worst of all, ‘Eds’. I don’t really hate them, though. I just pretend to, because it makes him laugh. Sometimes I think I’m not his best friend, after all, he seems to like Stan and Bev better, but he still insists I’m the one.

Speaking of Stan and Bev, I almost forgot to talk about the Losers. That’s our friend group. I’ll introduce them in a second, but first I’ll explain the origins of the group. It started out with Richie and Bill meeting and immediately hitting it off in second grade. Richie and I were already friends, so I joined the group, and Stan was friends with Bill, so he did, too. Then, the summer after 7th grade, we rescued Ben from Henry Bowers, so of course he joined. Bev joined when Bill asked her to go swimming with us (he had the biggest crush on her), and Mike joined when we helped him by having a rock fight with the Bowers gang. Our group was made up of outcasts: Bill had a stutter, Richie was known as ‘Trashmouth’ Tozier because he could never shut up and automatically made a target of himself, I was the hypochondriac with mommy issues, Stan was Jewish, Ben was the ‘fat kid’, Bev was known as a slut to most people in town, and Mike was Derry’s one black kid. So, naturally, we were drawn to each other.

I mentioned my mom before, but I never really touched upon the extent of her bitchiness. Every time I wasn’t perfectly healthy (and sometimes when I was), she kept me home from school, in bed, and fed me fake medicine all day. I went to the hospital more times than most people can imagine, to the point where I almost have a panic attack every time I even smell something hospital-sterile. That’s what they are, by the way. If you have some pre-concieved notion that you have asthma, you don’t. Your mind just thinks that. And while an inhaler helps, that’s just your brain thinking you need it. 

I was twelve the first time I confronted my mom. I’d heard from Greta Keene that my medicine was all placebos. Spoiler alert: she was right. So, naturally, the next time my mom asked where I was going, since I was “getting over my sickness’, I asked what sickness it was, and proceeded to claim that my pills were gazebos. GAZEBOS. I was not a smart twelve year old, if you didn’t get that. But, for the most part, I stopped taking my pills. When I refused to eat for several days because I found out she had drugged my food, she finally gave up. Kind of, at least. Four years later, she still leaves placebo pills in my nightstand, and gets weekly refills for my inhaler. God, she’s insufferable.

I don’t even know why I’m telling you this, as you probably know it already. I mean, you’re me. But if somehow you don’t remember this, I guess this is just some forgotten memories. Shit, mom’s calling me. I’ll write another letter again sometime.

Sincerely,  
16 Year Old Eddie  
P.S. Richie wrote 'Suckle Pickle Dickle Diary of the Fickle of the Richter Richie' on the top of this page in permanent marker.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk how long between updates there will be, but i'll try to write one at least once a week. happy reading!

7-10-1992  
Dear Future Eddie Kaspbrak,

Hi. It’s me again. I mean, obviously. Anyways, I have some big news. It’s not exactly good news, either. And it is… Richie got a girlfriend.

Her name is Sandy, and she has brown hair, big brown eyes, and freckles. She’s super smart and in most of his classes. And her alone is fine. But Richie decided to add her to the group? He’s trying to make her an ‘honorary loser,’ like what the fuck? We barely even know her. But Bev seems to like her, so naturally Ben and Bill go along with whatever she says. Stan doesn’t like her, and neither does Mike. Speaking of Stan and Mike, they seem to be particularly close lately. Like, they’ve been hanging out without us. Maybe they just hate Sandy that much?

I mean, I don’t hate her, but the way she just stares at Richie the whole time is weird. Plus, it boosts his ego, and let me just tell you, he’s WAY too egotistical already. Now he thinks he’s so cool because he has a girlfriend and they say “I love you” to each other constantly. He also calls her ‘babe’ and other pet names and she doesn’t seem to mind it and it bothers me for some reason. He hasn’t hung out with me privately since they started dating, and to be honest? I kinda miss it. I mean, I miss him being stupid and calling me ‘babe’ and stuff. I don’t know, I guess I just got used to it?

Richie’s been acting different around me, for example he rarely even touches me anymore, compared to before when he seemed to need contact at all times. I kinda miss that, too. It was comforting, knowing that he needed me, or at least I thought so. Sandy seems to have replaced me. He drapes himself all over her, and I can hear what they’re doing in the spare bedroom in Mike’s basement during sleepovers. The sounds I hear make me want to puke, and I don’t ever want to be the person who wakes them up. 

I mean, I guess Sandy is pretty and all, but I don’t know what Rich sees in her. Or what she sees in him, to be honest. I mean, she’s nice, I guess, and they like some of the same things. And Richie? Well he’s filled out more in the past year, and he’s looking less like a scrawny kid and more like a fuckin’ supermodel. He’s been growing out his hair, and it’s long enough to put into a ponytail. He doesn’t let me braid it anymore. Sandy can’t even braid, so I don’t get it. He tried growing a beard a couple months ago, but it didn’t exactly work out. He doesn’t like the whole ‘clean shaven’ look, though, and Sandy apparently loves being poked by a million tiny hairs when she kisses him.

I’ve seen them kiss, by the way. Many, many times. It’s disgusting, if you ask me. Not that anyone ever will, of course. I haven’t had my first kiss yet, and, to be honest, I don’t know if I ever want to. I can’t imagine loving someone enough to have their fucking spit in my mouth. In reality, I can’t really imagine loving anyone like that at all. I’ve never had a crush the way they describe them in books, and I guess girls are pretty, but I don’t get butterflies around them unless I’m nervous because it’s parent teacher conference. And no, I don’t fucking have a crush on my teachers. Just… ew. 

On the topic of what I said before, though, sex disgusts me. Any form of it. My mom is always going on about how it’s a sin to have sex before marriage and shit like that (I wonder why she hates Richie so much), but I don’t really want to ever have it at all. And if I die a virgin, then so be it, I guess. I don’t see how it’ll change my life in any particular way. I don’t want kids, because they’re dirty and annoying and who the fuck would have MY children? Who would I want to have MY children? Nobody. And if Nobody is a name in the future, no, I don’t want to fuck anyone by that name. If I ever do end up having kids, instead of biologically having them, I’d probably adopt. It’s better to save children from orphanages than to bring even more of them into the world, right?

Well, Mom’s calling me for dinner, which is, I'm guessing, more frozen dinners. I’ll write another one of these sometime. Bye.

Sincerely,  
Eddie Kaspbrak, Age 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDDIE'S TOTAL OBLIVIOUSNESS BLOWS MY MIND (also ignore the stranger things reference) but thank you so much for reading this chapter, and if you want to chat or anything like that, you can dm me on instagram @oleffnotolaf! have a great week :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (for you guys who are viewing this in the future, it's currently july 13th) Y'ALL WYATT'S 17 TODAY- uhhh just check out some birthday edits on instagram and support his fans! my favorite so far was made by @wyattcontent (gracie) on instagram

Dear Future Eddie,

Hi. It’s me again, clearly. I’m sorry I keep saying that, I don’t want to be rude to my future self but that’s just how I am. Rude. Mean. An asshole. A dick. According to Richie, that is. We got into our first serious fight ever today, and boy was it bad.

It started when Sandy was at her grandma’s house, so she couldn’t hang out with us. Richie looked weirdly lonely, which never happens. But because of that, I decided to slip into the hammock with him, just like the old days. Only it wasn’t, because he actually seemed to care this time.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he asked as he pushed me onto the floor. I didn’t know what to say, as I was kind of in shock, and what came out was:

“I thought you looked lonely.”

“What do you mean, lonely? Just because my fucking girlfriend isn’t here doesn’t mean I constantly need your attention, asshole.”

I was taken aback once again, because Richie rarely called me rude names. That was my job, after all. But he wasn’t done.

“You’ve ignored Sandy the whole time we’ve been dating, been fucking rude to her constantly, and then assume I want to be around you? Learn some respect, man. Don’t be so fucking mean all the time. Dick.”

I thought it might lighten the mood to make a joke out of that, so I said, “No? I mean, you’re the real Dick?” and reflecting back on it now, I see that the comment wasn’t funny and it made sense that he took it seriously. But he took it way too far.

“So you think I like dick now? I’m not a fucking queer, unlike you, clearly. Just fuck off, okay? Stay away from me and my girlfriend. We don’t need people like you fucking up this town even more than it already is.”

As you can probably guess, I was kind of in shock. Richie had always been nice to me, super affectionate, and he loved calling me every name that related to Eddie in any way. His favorite was ‘Eds.’ And then he just comes out with this? And calls me a faggot?

I’m not one. I don’t like anyone. Girls are pretty enough, and that’s good enough for me. Not for Richie, apparently. For some reason, I can’t bring myself to be mad at him. Something inside me is telling me it’s not his fault, which makes no sense, but I guess I’ll just go with it.

I know in a couple of days or weeks that Richie will come back and pretend like nothing happened, and I’ll go with that, too. I learned the hard way that arguing with Richie about serious topics does not end well, and it’s better to not even try. It’s a waste of effort, anyway.

Richie love(s?)(d?) arguing about the smallest little things, but the second something even remotely serious comes up, he goes into comedian mode and tries to change the subject. It’s quite annoying, really. I can never talk to him about important stuff, and, of course, I have Bill for that, but Richie and I are closer. Well, we were.

I don’t know what’s going to happen next. I can’t imagine a world without Richie in it, even if he’s the same person he’s been lately. Sandy’s changed him. Or maybe just being a boyfriend has. Either way, he’s different. Honestly, looking back at the argument, I have no idea what even happened. I kind of just sat there on the ground in shock, half listening and half wondering why he was getting angry and calling me a faggot. I’m not one, so why would he lie? I feel like I’m missing something, but I have no idea what.

I feel so stupid sometimes, like I don’t understand everything that’s happening. And I don’t, which is my point. The rest of the losers all exchange knowing looks at certain moments, but I just don’t get it. What’re these inside jokes they all seem to get except me? No wonder I’m the only one in no AP classes. I mean, I get average grades and whatnot, but I feel so dumb around them. They all have things that they’re good at, things that they’re smart at.

Bill is a writer, and he’s incredible, although his endings suck. He also loves to draw, and he’s really talented, so maybe someday he’ll be an author-illustrator combination in the future. Stan loves to learn about birds, and he’s also an insane artist. He’ll probably be a fucking ornithologist (whatever the fuck that means) or something like that someday. Mike loves all living things, and maybe he’ll be a veterinarian and save animals someday. Ben’s been in multiple poetry slams and everyone seems to love him and his poems. Bev’s gonna be a world famous fashion designer. And Richie? Richie’ll go on SNL or some shit like that.

And me? I’ve got extensive knowledge on medical stuff, but I recently started fainting at the sight of blood, and my childhood trauma makes me kind of want to be a child psychologist, but I know I’d never do well enough in college to graduate and go to wherever else I need to achieve my goal, and I’d probably just give up in the middle and be that college dropout who works a minimum wage desk job. I just feel like a failure next to the rest of them. They’ve found a way to escape their trauma, and I haven’t even tried.

Speaking of self esteem issues, I guess I have them. I’ve always thought of myself ugly compared to the Losers. To normal people, I think I’m pretty average. But the losers could be supermodels if we didn’t live in a town like Derry. Bill’s got the perfect straight hair that molds perfectly into any style, and the clearest skin I’ve ever seen. Stan looks like a fucking angel with his perfect curly blonde hair, and he practically radiates light. Mike is perfect in every aspect, and keeps well groomed despite living on his grandparents’ farm. Ben’s lost a lot of weight since middle school, and definitely grew into his looks. Since he joined the track team, girls love him. Anyone who doesn’t think Bev is hot is blind and/or is into guys. Actually, gay guys I’ve met have said she’s attractive in every platonic way known to man. So… not really a valid argument. And finally, Richie. Honestly, Richie’s hot, and I know I’ve said it before, but look at him. His fashion sense is a bit eccentric, to say the least, but it fits his whole vibe perfectly. Girls love him now as well. And guys, too, I suppose, although there are very few openly gay guys in this shithole of a town.

Mom’s gonna come in here to check on my soon, so I better hide this stuff.

Sincerely,  
16 Year Old Eddie Kaspbrak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really hate this chapter and i feel like the argument was kinda rushed but also kinda made sense? idfk


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Future Eddie Kaspbrak,

Hi. Again. I’m sorry, I would’ve written sooner, but Richie hasn’t spoken to me for three weeks and it seems to be taking a toll on my mental health, for some reason. He’s stopped hanging out with the Losers period, other than taking smoke breaks with Bev and doing whatever he does with Stan. 

Anyways, this letter isn’t about Richie. It’s about someone who my mom is trying to set me up with. Her name’s Myra and she’s pretty, I guess, but not my type. And apparently I’m not hers, either. The first time we met she told me she was a lesbian, but her mom conveniently forgot to mention that to mine. Apparently she thinks that the whole lesbian thing is just a phase.

Myra and I decided to pretend to date, though, to keep her in the closet and so people will stop saying I’m gay. She suggested it, actually. She seems to be a bit bossy, but nothing compared to my mother. We’re gonna “break up” right before the end of senior year if nothing happens to change that.

We’ve been hanging out quite a bit lately, seeing as Richie is my best friend and I’m not super close with the rest of the Losers. It’s nice to have a female friend. I’ve always been told I’m feminine and delicate, and Myra has been told the same, so she just goes with it, and so will I. Until I snap, at least. Anyways, we play video games at her house while talking about the most random stuff. Around our moms we hold hands and stuff.

I’m not sure I’m ready to kiss anyone, much less Myra. I’m sure the topic will come up at some point, and I’ll have to go with it. I mean, it’s not as if we actually have romantic feelings for each other. We’re good enough actors, and pretty much anything is good enough for our moms. 

I know I said I wasn’t going to talk about Richie this chapter, but it’s incredibly hard. Richie is (was?) a huge staple in my life and now I’ve been replaced by Sandy. I barely see him other than school, where we sit next to each other in all our classes because we chose those seats at the beginning of the year, having no idea what would come. 

He and Sandra are seemingly attached at the hip (much like we used to be) outside of classes. Well, not necessarily at the hip, moreso at the lips. And the hands. And like everything. It’s disgusting, really. But the teachers seem to think it’s cute. So does everyone else and I SIMPLY DO NOT UNDERSTAND. WHAT IS CUTE ABOUT A BEAUTIFUL BOY AND AN OKAY LOOKING GIRL DATING AND KISSING AND STUFF. I mean, I guess it balances out. But they’re just not cute together. It’s so gross. And to think Richie lost his virginity to this girl? He deserves so much better.

And there I go again, talking about Richie like he’s a fucking god. He’s not. I mean, he’s pretty, but he’s hella annoying. And an idiot. And god, I love him for it. Platonically, of course.

Shit, mom’s calling. Bye!

\- 16 year old Eddie Kaspbrak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um so my instagram dms aren't working on my computer?? what's happening  
> also this is another short chapter, sorry but i've got some longer ones planned!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi so this chapter is chaotic

Dear Future Eddie,

FUCK. HOLY SHIT. I THINK I’M HAVING A FUCKING ANXIETY ATTACK BECAUSE RICHIE HATES ME EVEN MORE NOW AND I DON’T KNOW TO TO MAKE IT UP TO HIM AND I LITERALLY DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITHOUT HIM.

Anyways, here’s what happened:

It’s been a few weeks since I last wrote one of these. And in this time Myra and I have become a lot closer. Naturally, that meant our mom’s thought we were hooking up, which provoked “the talk”. Like what the actual fuck? 

Our moms took us on a “date” where they pretended to leave us alone at the mall while secretly spying on us. Not that we didn’t know, of course, because we were spying on them first and found out. Naturally, we had to look like boyfriend and girlfriend, so we held hands and while we were sitting at the ice cream parlor, she laid her head on my shoulder. And later, when we were “flirting”, it almost looked real! Honestly, she should be an actress. Here comes the part I was (AND STILL AM) freaking out about:

We knew our moms expected us to kiss, so as we were about to leave, it was like a goodbye thing, and honestly it was a good plan. Aaaaand… it worked. Until after I saw Richie staring at us with a shocked expression on his face. Then cold hard anger seemed to set in and he started walking toward Myra with a murderous look. Not thinking, I stepped in front of her, and said,

“Why the fuck are you looking at my girlfriend like that, Tozier?” 

He breathed in quickly, before saying,

“Looking at her like what? I was just gonna congratulate her on such a fine catch. What’s he like nowadays? I haven’t seen him much lately.”

She didn’t get the chance to say anything before my mom stepped in, glaring. 

“Don’t you have better things to do than annoy a happy couple on a date, Richard? I’m sure your mother could do with some help around the house, since your father…”

She didn’t finish the sentence, but we all knew what was implied. Richie’s father is notorious for being an alcoholic who doesn’t give a shit about his wife or son.

Richie looked like he wanted to punch her. Thankfully, he refrained from doing so, and started to walk away. Mom turned around and started marching in the opposite direction, so we followed her. I looked back to see that Richie had stopped, and the expression on his face was one of hatred mixed with hurt, although I don’t see why he’d be hurt.   
So yeah. Richie probably hates me now, and it’s entirely my fault. I should never have gone with the whole fake-dating scheme to begin with. There’s rarely a good ending to these kind of things. 

Mom’s having Myra and her mother over for dinner tonight. They’ll be here in an hour.   
Sincerely,  
16 Year Old Eddie Kaspbrak


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Future Eddie Kaspbrak,

So I’m freaking out again, but for a VERY different reason. FUCK. How did I let this happen?

So basically Myra took me on a “date” to the new diner, and it was fine. 

We held hands (just in case any of our moms’ spies were there, she said) and talked about school, the future, etc. 

She ordered a salad and I ordered a burger. 

It was boring, mostly small talk, but at least our moms would be satisfied, right?

Well afterward, Myra took me back to her place.

Her mom was at a work dinner for the evening, so we had the house to ourselves. 

I was excited to look through their extensive VHS tape collection. 

As I was sorting through the mess, Myra called for me to come to where she was, which was her bedroom. 

As I walked in, she shyly smiled before unbuttoning her shirt. I immediately looked away.

“What the fuck, Myra?”

“What? We’re a little more than friends, don’t you think?” 

“No! No, we’re not. I- you said you were a lesbian.

“I thought I was, and I still am except for you.”

“Well-get over those feelings pretty fast, will you? I-I’m not interested.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, I’m fucking sure, Myra. I don’t like you and I never will. I don’t even fucking like girls.”

After a second I realized what I’d said.

“You don’t like girls?” she smirked. “So you like boys, then?”

“I never said that! I don’t like anyone, okay?’

“I don’t believe you.”

“It’s true, so fuck off.” 

I grabbed my jacket and left, slamming the front door behind me.

When I arrived home, my mom was watching TV in the living room.

“How did your date with Myra go, Eddiebear?”

“We’re over, Mom.”

“What do you mean?”

“We broke up.”

“Now, why would you do that to her poor heart? She must be heartbroken.”

“Well I don’t give a fuck about her. I never have.”

That wasn’t true. She’d become one of my best friends, and now I lost her, too.

“Edward! How dare you use that kind of language, especially in the presence of the Lord.”

“Where’s the Lord? I don’t see him.”

“He’s everywhere, Eddiekins.”

“Everywhere, you say?” 

“Yes, of course.”

“So what about when you were yelling at Doctor Williams last week and said his degree certificates were, and I quote you here, “useless pieces of garbage and shit?”

“Don’t be smart with me. Go to your room.”

I was happy to, and I went upstairs without a complaint. However, that led me to realize that I truly had no friends left, since Richie was my best of the best, and while Myra could never replace him, she’d become one of my best friends, and now they’re both gone. 

I’ll probably hang out with Bill this weekend, but he’ll be talking about girls as usual, and frankly I’ve had enough of girls for a while. Other than Beverly, of course, but we’ve never been particularly close. Not compared to her and Richie. Or her and Bill. 

Speaking of that, I should tell you about the love triangle in the friend group. It all started when Bill and Bev kissed in the school play in 3rd grade, and Bill liked her for years after that. The summer after 7th grade, she and Ben joined the losers, and it was obvious that Ben was positively smitten with her, and of course I can’t blame him. If I got crushes, I’d probably have one on Beverly Marsh because she’s BEAUTIFUL and one of the nicest people ever despite her upbringing.

Anyways, Bill and Ben were both basically in love with Bev that summer. First, Ben miraculously woke her up from when she passed out by kissing her. Then she and Bill kissed, and kissed again, and again and again and again. They started dating soon after, although it was considerably harder once Bev moved to Bangor to escape her abusive dad and live with her aunt. Luckily, they both had private phone lines in their bedrooms, so they could communicate whenever they wanted. 

Bev eventually convinced her aunt to move back here until she graduated high school the next summer, although she and Bill broke up only a little bit later, much to all our dismay (except for Ben’s, of course).

We’re still waiting for Benverly to get their shit together. It’s obvious that they’re soulmates, one of them just has to make the first move.

It’s nearing 10:00, which is lights out for me. I’ll update you if for some reason something happens with Myra. 

Sincerely,  
16 Year Old Eddie Kaspbrak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trying to make this chapter seem longer than it is by separating most sentences hours
> 
> also i might not be able to update for a few days because we're going on a mini vacation but a new chapter should be up friday!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so this is one of two?? i think chapters in third person limited perspective (this one in eddie's pov and the other in richie's) bc i like writing like that

Eddie had been shaking all night. He’d thought his feelings were controlled, but now it was all turning into a fully fledged anxiety attack, and he didn’t know what to do without Richie or his inhaler. So, of course, Eddie had to find one of those, and since the pharmacy closed at 8, there was only one other option.

He climbed out his window and slid down the drain pipe, for once thankful for his slight build. Realizing his bike was in the garage, and getting in there would make a lot of noise, Eddie decided to walk, as Richie’s house was only a few blocks from his own. Sneaking away and not getting noticed by the neighbors’ prying eyes was the real problem. Eddie elected to just walk down the sidewalk with his hood up, knowing that the neighbors would think he was just another Bowers’ Gang member. Either way, he sped past their houses and was relieved when he finally reached the next street.

Richie’s house was on a richer street, since his parents had bought the house when Went was a dentist and a caring father. A lot had changed since then. The house was still very nice, and Richie kept it in prime condition, mowing the lawn, tending the greenery, etc. It was one of the few three story houses in Derry, and it was a light blue color, with a bright red front door. 

Richie slept on the third floor, because of course he did, but he’d designed a way to get up to his room from outside long ago. It was one of the many projects he’d worked on with his dad long ago, and it was a mix of rusty fire escapes and precariously placed ladders, both found at the local dump. Eddie had never actually gotten upstairs that way, being one of Richie’s best friends, but he’d heard many a tale of girls trying to get up there, although he doubted many of them were true.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Both lights in Richie’s and his mom’s room were on, so Eddie had to assume that Sandy wasn’t there. He started towards the first ladder. It was surprisingly easy to climb, and Eddie scaled the lot quickly. As he reached the top, he saw Richie writing in a notebook at his desk, although he couldn’t see what it was.

Before he could hesitate and rethink his coming to Richie’s house, Eddie knocked on his window. Richie didn’t seem to hear, so he knocked louder. This time Richie jumped, and turned around, his eyes wide, before frantically shoving the notebook into a random drawer in his desk. Eddie mimed opening the window, and after a second, Richie followed suit.

The second the window was open, Eddie felt a sudden rush of emotions, and once he climbed through the opening, he felt tears threatening to leak from his eyes. Then it all just came pouring out, and the weight of everything was just so much that he collapsed onto the floor and just cried for a bit. After a while, he looked up, and Richie was staring at him intensely.

“What the fuck, Eddie? You treat my girlfriend like shit, ignore me for weeks, have your mom come after me, and now you’re crying on the floor of my room? Who do you think you are?” His voice broke as he seemed to really see Eddie for the first time. “I- shit, ar-are you okay? What happened?”

Eddie breathed in deeply, and tried to calmly answer Richie’s question.

“I broke up with Myra. I mean, we weren’t even really even dating. It was all for show. That’s what she told me, at least. She also told me she was a lesbian, but apparently that’s not true.”

“Shouldn’t she be the one heartbroken on the floor, then?”

“I don’t fucking know. I never had feelings for her in the first place, but I guess she did and thought I liked her back and I just- I wish she’d said something before. I hate that she just assumed that I liked her and now- now I don’t feel like I can trust anyone. I told her basically all my secrets and she just broke that trust in a single action and she was all I had left.”

Eddie felt a hand on his shoulder, and without thinking, leaned back into Richie’s touch. Surprisingly, Richie didn’t pull away, and instead rested his chin on the same shoulder his hand had been a second before.

“Why do you say she’s all you had left? What about the Losers?” he questioned.

“I was never that close with the other Losers, Richie. You know that. And all Bill talks about is Audra. I gave up on him after the second fishing trip.”

“Hey, Eds?” Richie mumbled.

“That’s not my name, but yeah?”

“I know I’m not really one for apologies, but I’m sorry. I really am. I didn’t mean it. I shouldn’t have yelled at you that day.”

Eddie smiled slightly.

“You’re right. You shouldn’t have. But thanks for apologizing, dickwad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for a (albeit very unrealistic) panic attack

They talked for a while, finding that each others’ lives had changed quite a bit since they last spoke.

Richie had been asked to the Sadie Hawkins dance by like 7 girls and rejected every one of them, saying he didn’t want to go, which was true. 

Eddie’d had his first kiss (which he regretted) and his first breakup.

Richie had also been broken up with by Sandy, before they got back together a few hours later.

“Richie, what the fuck? You don’t break up with someone just to get back with them. That’s not how it works,” Eddie said, giggling.

“I mean it worked for me, so…”

Eddie said the first thing that came to his mind.

“Do you like her?  
  
“Sandy? Of course, why else would I be dating her?”

“But what do you like about her?”  
  
“I mean she’s fucking gorgeous and super smart and she’s also like a genuinely nice person. How could I not like her?” Richie smiled. “Uh… why do you ask?”  
  
“I don’t know, just wondering.” 

Eddie really didn’t know why he asked, but he couldn’t very well take it back now, could he? He suddenly sayed, “You know, it-it feels like you’re trying to replace me with her sometimes.”

Richie seemed confused. “What? Why?”

“I don’t know, I mean, you’re spending all your time with her and walking her to her classes and you save all the touchy-feely stuff for her and stuff like that, I don’t know.”

“What the fuck, Eddie? That’s called having a girlfriend. You’re not my girlfriend, are you? No. You’re not. I’m not fucking- replacing you.” Richie’s breathing had sped up now. “I- how could you think- I would never. You’re my best friend, Eddie.

Eddie could see tears forming in his eyes. Richie seemed to realize this and made an effort to try to inconspicuously wipe them away, claiming that he was “tired’. Granted, he probably was, but Eddie had seen the tears. He pulled Richie’s hands away from his face.

“Rich- talk to me,” he whispered. Richie turned around and rocked, his arms pulling his legs close.

“No, I should go to sleep, it’s getting late,” he mumbled.

Eddie knew it was way before the boy’s bedtime, so he prodded.

“Rich, I know you’re not just tired.

Richie turned around and exploded. 

“EDDIE, YOU WERE PULLING AWAY FROM ME FIRST. YOU WERE HANGING OUT WITH YOUR NEW FRIENDS, AND I WAS LONELY, SO I GOT A FUCKING GIRLFRIEND. OF COURSE, THEN YOU AND YOUR NEW FRIENDS STOPPED BEING FRIENDS FOR WHATEVER BULLSHIT REASON AND I COULDN’T VERY WELL BREAK UP WITH HER FOR NO REASON. AND THEN YOU GOT YOUR OWN GIRLFRIEND AND I FUCKING FREAKED.”

He stopped for air for about 2 seconds, before continuing. 

“I STOPPED TALKING TO YOU AND I KNOW I WAS A SHITTY FRIEND AND I SHOULD’VE BEEN SUPPORTIVE BUT IT WASN’T FUCKING FAIR THAT YOU HATED MY GIRLFRIEND AND I WAS EXPECTED TO LIKE YOURS, AND THEN YOU KISSED AND I FREAKED AGAIN BECAUSE HOLY SHIT YOUR RELATIONSHIP WAS ACTUALLY REAL AND I JUST COULDN’T FUCKING HANDLE THAT. I’M SORRY, EDDIE. I REALLY AM. I JUST- I REALLY FUCKING LOVE YOU, OKAY?”

And then he collapsed, fighting for air. Eddie was just in shock for a minute. Richie had never yelled at him like that before. And it wasn't like a few weeks before. It was more of Richie blaming himself and of course, that was fucking horrible. But Richie- he said he loved Eddie. 

The brunette teen was shaken out of his trance by the sound of Richie’s sobs.

“I can’t fucking breathe. Shitshitshitshit I- I don’t know what to do they aren’t usually this bad.”  
  
“What aren’t usually this bad?” Eddie asked.

“My-my panic attacks.  _ Fuck. _ We ran out of medicine yesterday and we were supposed to get a refill tomorrow. Shit-maybe… maybe it’s the alcohol.

“Alcohol?”   
  


“I wasn’t feeling great so I stole some of my dad’s liquor. I didn’t exactly anticipate this.”

Eddie scooted over to Richie, and moved to touch his hair. The second his hand contacted with the raven-haired teen’s scalp, Richie lashed out. Literally. He slapped Eddie in the cheek. Eddie shot away from him, trying not to wince. Unfortunately. Richie’s fingernails had caught on his cheek as he withdrew his hand and there was a scratch running down it as well.

Looking in the mirror, Eddie gasped, seeing that his cheek was bright pink with a slash of red running down the middle. Now that he thought about it, that entire side of his head felt like it was on fire and he winced.

Richie noticed the damage he’d done and was horrified.

“Holy shit, Eddie, I’m so so sorry. I didn’t mean to do that, I should’ve told you stuff like that happens. Fuck, are you okay?”

“I think I just need to clean and dress this cut and I’ll be fine. I can just cover the rest up with my mom’s makeup in the morning if I can sneak in without her noticing.”

Eddie looked a bit scared, and hurried out the window.

“Wait!” Richie cried. “Have a good night!’

Eddie smiled. “You, too!” he said, and climbed down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i kinda hate this chapter but like oOoh richie's big confession that eddie just thinks he said bc he's drunk hAH


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for minor mentions of sickness  
> also tw for minor suicidal thoughts

Dear Future Eddie Kaspbrak,

Hi! It’s me, as usual. So when I was walking home from Richie’s house, for some reason I started thinking about the last (and ony time) we played Twister.

Richie had found it on his grandma’s game shelf and thought it would be a good idea to try and get all 7 of us to play it at once. Stan flat out refused and volunteered to spin the spinny thing.

So Richie and I started out next to each other and immediately got tangled. At one point he was just like,

“Eds, you really do look cute from this position. Let’s take it somewhere else…” 

And then he fucking winked. Then we moved positions and I couldn’t stop thinking about that for a while for some reason.

Then, on my way home, I thought of last Christmas. Richie’s family invited me over to their house, and my Mom only agreed because she felt bad for Maggie. 

Anyways, I got them all presents with my own money (Richie a CD player, since he had wanted one forever; his little sister Ruth, some Nancy Drew books; and Maggie a huge cook book, since I knew she loved to cook.

When Richie opened his gift, his eyes widened and started to twinkle in the light of the fireplace. He was practically gushing as he obsessed over the many buttons on the thing, complimenting me on my choice of cd’s. 

And then I remembered that time we drove to the beach, and the weather was just right. It was warm enough to get in the water, but not to the point where it was too hot. There were a few lazy clouds floating in the sky, but other than that it was bright blue, and the surf was the perfect temperature.

The day was composed mostly of making sand castles and being in the water itself. It took hours for me to build my sandcastle, but when I was finished, it was beautiful, with towers and turrets and battlements and such. 

Richie’s, on the other hand, looked like a total disaster. I mean, it was structurally sound, surprisingly enough, but it was a mess. 

At the end he jumped on top of mine and destroyed it, so naturally I attacked him and we rolled into the ocean, blinded by the salty surf. We wrestled for a while, going deeper and deeper into the water until my feet couldn’t even touch anymore. Richie’s could, of course, him being a literal giant, after all.

Next I remembered the time his mom was gone for a work conference and brought Ruth with her and Richie got sick. He had a major case of food poisoning, although we never did find out what exactly poisoned him. The only reason I don’t think it was the stomach flu was because no one else who came into contact with him got it, which implies that he wasn’t contagious. My mom had no idea, of course. There’s no way she would’ve let me go over to his house then.

I first found out when he called in the middle of the night, apparently because the stomach cramps were so bad. I knew he was probably just being overdramatic, but I went over to his house anyway, only to find him puking up whatever he ate previously. 

That wasn’t the end of it, of course. I went over to his house and stayed for most of the day for like 3 days until he finally recovered. 

What I remember most, though, is when I stayed over at Richie’s house one night, sleeping on the floor in his room, (about 10 feet away, of course, since i didn’t want to get sprayed if there was anything left in his system). Richie fell asleep quickly, and I did a bit after that, until I woke up at 2 am because he was talking in his sleep. Not just talking, though. Crying.

“Nonononono,” he said. “No! Don’t you fucking- please just kill me and not him.” 

His words turned to mumbling after that, but I swear I heard “Eddie” somewhere in there. 

A few minutes later, he was shaking, tears streaming down his face, eyes still tightly shut. His breathing quickened, and I knew I should wake him up. I gently shook him, saying, 

“Richie! Richie, c’mon, wake up.”

And by some godforsaken miracle, he did, kicking and screaming. I tried to calm him and eventually his breathing slowed, before he fell back asleep.

Memories.

Sincerely,  
16 Year Old Eddie Kaspbrak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO I KINDA ACTUALLY LIKE THIS CHAPTER WTF


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS WAS SO HARD TO WRITE BUT I ACTUALLY REALLY LIKE IT JNSDMFNS

Dear Future Eddie Kaspbrak,

FUCK. SHIT. OH MY GOD. I’M FUCKING FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. SO I’M GOING TO TELL IT LIKE A STORY BECAUSE I’M GOOD AT THAT I GUESS.

So remember my last chapter? How I was talking about remembering all those moments with Richie? Well, I saw him again today and we just sat out by his pool talking. Everything was great until he fucking dipped his head in the pool and decided to flip his hair back (thankfully not on me).

And you know my first thought?  _ That’s hot.  _ WHAT THE... I- I’M NOT GAY. I’VE NEVER LIKED A BOY BEFORE. FUCK. IS THAT WHAT THEY CALL “A GAY AWAKENING?”

I KNOW I SAID I WAS GONNA TELL IT LIKE A STORY BUT IT CLEARLY ISN’T HAPPENING. 

Okay, I mean, I’m not homophobic or anything, I just never expected it. It’s not like I’ve ever liked a girl or anything, but, then again I’ve never liked a guy before now.

WAIT. SHIT, DOES THIS MEAN I LIKE RICHIE?? FUCK NO. HE’S AS STRAIGHT AS THEY GET. 

But anyways, I can appreciate beauty of either gender and all, but FUCK IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN.

WHY DO I FIND RICHIE TOZIER ATTRACTIVE, OF ALL PEOPLE?? GOD WTF IS WRONG WITH ME- I MEAN HE’S NEVER BEEN UGLY, BUT RICHIE? TRASHMOUTH TOZIER? SON OF WENT AND MAGGIE? THE GUY WHO IGNORED ME FOR WEEKS JUST BECAUSE I DIDN’T LIKE HIS GIRLFRIEND?

I should stop bringing that up. I know he apologized, but I’m still a little bit salty about it. Maybe more than “a little” bit salty. Why am I like this, oh my god. I just- why didn’t i find him attractive before? Did I, and I just didn’t know? Am I pondering existential questions at 2am under my covers while I write this with only the light of a flashlight?

Yes, to the last one. I don’t know about the others. But yeah. I left Richie’s at like 7, trying not to stare at him the whole time.  _ Fuck.  _ And then I got home and just thought about him for a while.

And if anyone other than my future self is reading this, I also looked up some info on sexualities and I identify as asexual now, so don’t think I did anything dirty. 

Yes, that’s pointed directly at you, RICHARD WENTWORTH TOZIER.

Wait. If Richie ever read this, he’d probably already know, and we could be- Nope. I can’t think of that. This is already bad enough. I can’t get my hopes up for literally no reason. There’s no reason that he’d actually like me anyways. I mean, I’m just me.

Just your average junior. 16. A bit shorter than average, sure, and He loves to torment me about that, just because _ he’s _ a little bit taller than average. I’m about average weight, although my stomach gets rolls whenever I sit down, and I’m a bit insecure about that, but I also know my mom would never let me work out, so I should just stop thinking about it.

I’ve got medium skin that tans in the summer, and looks funny compared to Richie, who’s as pale as a fucking vampire. However, he goes outside, so I probably shouldn’t be too worried. 

My hair is dark brown and pretty short, although I’ve been growing it out over the summer and not styling it much. I like how it looks, free from my mom’s hair products. My mom doesn’t for obvious reasons. I found out this summer that when I grow it out and don’t blow dry it, it’s wavy and doesn’t look half bad.

My eyes are boring brown, too, but people have been telling me they’re huge and make me look cute??? my entire life. Rich tells me on the daily, which makes me feel all nice and warm inside. WAIT IS THAT WHAT THEY MEAN WHEN THEY SAY YOU GET BUTTERFLIES. FUCK. 

I’ve got an average nose, I guess, although Richie says that’s cute, too. Same with my permanently pink cheeks and the dusting of freckles on my nose. Now that I think about it, whenever I tell him an insecurity of mine he says it’s cute, and I practically lose my mind because he’s lying, or just joking around. Or both. But what if he wasn- nope.

Not gonna think that either. I will not think anything about Richie ever liking me back because it isn’t true. No way. He’s in love with Sandy, that much is clear.

And I know there’s no use pining over a straight guy, but  _ fuck  _ he’s pretty. If there’s any way we could ever be together and Richie’s reading this… don’t. Don’t you fucking dare. You’re gonna make fun of me for it for the rest of my life.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I’m waiting.

____________________________________________________________________________

I swear to fucking god if you’re still here, Richie…

ANYWAYS HE’S SO PRETTY IT HURTS. SINCE I WAS TALKING ABOUT MYSELF, I FIGURED I SHOULD JUST TALK ABOUT HIM TOO.

So first of all, he’s hella tall and thin, all skin and bones. Apparently he has a high metabolism. And SOMEHOW he’s got muscles. How? I have no idea. But he’s got abs. FRICKIN’ ABS. AND LIKE BICEPS AND SHIT. He’s never done a sport in my memory so I have no idea where it came from, but, I mean, I’m not complaining. Ya know what? Maybe I am. He has no right to look like THAT.

And his hair… it used to be pretty straight, and he had it in bowl cut, but he grew that out freshman year and it turned curly. He cut it a few months ago, and now it’s a bit above his shoulders. Ever since I taught him how to keep his hair healthy, it’s super soft and fun to practice hairstyles on, or just run my fingers through it.

Like I said before, he’s incredibly pale, so naturally he’s sunburnt the whole summer, but that doesn’t seem to stop him. For real, though, he looks like Casper the Ghost with a slight pinkish tint.

He’s had glasses since 2nd grade, and broke them constantly until he got new ones last year and suddenly became responsible. He has contacts for formal occasions, and it’s super weird to see him wearing them, because I’m so used to his glasses.

And his freckles. HIS FRECKLES. Covering his entire body and super prominent, they’re BEAUTIFUL. AND THERE ARE LITERALLY MILLIONS. AND MILLIONS AND MILLIONS AND MILLIONS. 

So yeah. Um… Richie Tozier is pretty. There’s no question about it. And I- FUCK.

I THINK I LOVE HIM

Sincerely,

Eddie Kaspbrak, Age 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um so i personally don't find finn attractive so this was vv hard to writeee


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I THOUGHT THIS CHAPTER WAS GONNA BE SO SHORT OML BUT IT TURNED OUT WAY LONGER THAN I EXPECTED

Dear Eddie Kaspbrak,

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

So Richie invited me over for a sleepover, and it took a lot of convincing my mom but she finally agreed. What she didn’t know is that Richie’s dad never agreed to it (his mom was at a conference), but he can go fuck himself.

ANYWAYS, so I got to Richie’s place and we made food since my mom literally only eats microwave dinners and makes me eat the kids ones. Richie’s pantry is always fully stocked and we decided to go fancy. So, naturally, we made steak. 

Not normal steak, mind you, because that’s boring and why one earth would Richie Tozier ever want to be boring? That was sarcasm, if you didn’t catch it, although you probably read my tone through the page. Because Richie is Richie, he added practically every spice and herb in the cabinet, although I regulated the amounts of each one.

He wanted to “stay classy”, whatever the fuck that means, and decided to make mashed potatoes with L O T S of garlic (like seriously, he poured about half the container of garlic powder into the pan. And most of a stick of butter. He’s gonna die before he’s 30, I swear.

He also made broccoli, but it came out all wrong so he just threw it away.

The final aspect of the dinner was dessert, and he spent half and hour poring over cook books, trying to find the perfect recipe. Finally he decided on chocolate mousse, and it took three tries but he finally got it right, and it actually tasted really good.

Finally, at like 8 pm (I got there at almost 4), dinner was ready, and Richie got out the fucking candles. IT WAS SO ROMANTIC AND NOTHING EVEN HAPPENED.

After we ate and cleaned up, it was time to choose a movie. That is, until Richie found out they were showing this dinosaur movie called ‘Jurassic Park’ at the Aladdin, so naturally he wanted to see it. And oh boy, it was a sight to behold.

First, we got snacks and drinks, stuff my mom wouldn’t usually let me get, like Coke (the drink, RICHIE), and popcorn with tons of butter. Richie also bought me Skittles once he heard I’d never had them, which was “despicable”, according to him.

Once we finally got into the theater itself and watched the commercials, the movie started. Richie was enraptured, and his eyes were glued to the screen. To be honest, I had no idea what was going on during the movie. Richie’s just so interesting to look at.

He looked positively angelic in the light from the movie screen. It looked like he’d actually brushed his hair for the first time in a very long time. His eyes were sparkling and he was smiling and laughing and I hadn’t seen him so genuinely happy in a long time.

After the movie finished, Richie was going on and on excitedly about it, and I couldn’t do anything but nod my head in agreement, because I had no fucking clue what he was saying.

When we got home we had food once again. I swear, Richie’s stomach is a literal abyss, since it seems like he can fit the literal world and more in there. And he’s ALWAYS EATING. 

We ate almost a whole gallon of ice cream directly from the tub itself. It was Ben and Jerry’s, which was a rare treat since it was rarely available at the Derry grocery store. I’d never had it before, but HOLY SHIT WAS IT DELICIOUS. LIKE IT WAS LITERALLY SO GOOD.

Finally, at like 11 PM, Richie announced that it was time to go to bed. I know that he wouldn’t actually sleep for another hour, so we just went up to his room and read comics together like we used to do in the hammock when we were kids.

OH MY GOD. THE HAMMOCK. I ALMOST FORGOT. 

So when we were 13 and Ben, Bev, and Mike had only just joined our group, one day Ben brought us into the Barrens where we liked to hang out, and randomly just pulled up a trapdoor in the middle of a clearing and climbed down the ladder. We all followed him to find a whole clubhouse underground.

A couple of months later, Bev found a brand new hammock at a garage sale and decided it would be a good idea to put it in the clubhouse.

We set up some ground rules and it worked well enough for most of the losers, except Richie, of course. He flat out refused to leave and so eventually I just wrestled my way on top of him, my feet kicking him in the face. 

Usually we stayed like that, but sometimes, when the other losers weren’t there, I just layed on top of him and he read over my shoulder, keeping a running commentary throughout the entire thing. I mean, it could’ve been a moment, but Richie’s straight, so it most likely wasn’t.

ANYWAYS back to the sleepover. Richie finally went to sleep, and refused to sleep on his bed in an effort to be a hospitable host, instead sleeping on the air mattress that had been laid out on the floor. I felt bad, but he would NOT sleep in his bed, so I just went with it.

I stayed awake after he went to sleep, just watching. Richie seems like the kind of person to snore, but he really doesn’t. And when the moonlight flitted across his face, he looked positively angelic again. 

I know I don’t say enough positive things to Richie, and I know I hurt his feelings sometimes. It isn’t fucking fair. He’s always so nice to me, talking about how cute I am and calling me pet names and stuff and I feel like I’m just always so condescending. Like, he always makes fun of me for little things like my height, but it’s clear it’s always in good humor. When I make fun of him, he tries to start joking around, but the way I say things is too rude and the tone always comes out wrong, so he’s hurt, and I feel horrible, but I know if I apologize he’s just gonna brush it off.

I eventually went to sleep and woke up the next morning to sunlight streaming through the curtains and a certain Richard Tozier nowhere to be found. That is, until I stepped out in the hallway and smelled bacon.

I hurried downstairs to find a full breakfast of pancakes, eggs, and of course bacon. I wondered how long it had taken Richie to make all this before looking at the clock. It was 11 AM, the latest I’d slept in a VERY long time.

Breakfast was delicious, and once we were done eating and cleaning up, Richie drove me home. That’s where I’m at now, writing this from the comfort of my own bedroom. So yeah, I’d say whatever this was was pretty successful.

Sincerely,  
16 Year Old Eddie Kaspbrak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi peoples


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay first of all: sorry this is so late and all that wait for such a shitty chapter lmao   
> and second: this is in 3rd person limited pov and i'm vv bad at writing in this pov i just wanted to try it

He knew this was a bad idea. It couldn’t turn out well. But then again, nothing ever did with Richie, so fuck it, right? After hours of planning, he finally did it. He asked Eddie if he wanted to sleep over.

Now, that doesn’t seem like a major thing, but Richie was having a sexuality crisis. He’d thought he was straight his entire life until one day he realized he looked at Eddie a bit differently, tormented him a bit more. And then he actually looked at Eddie, and HOLY FUCK was he cute. And not little kid cute, anymore. 

Eddie’s chubby cheeks had given way to high, more defined cheekbones. His eyes, as huge as ever, had begun to look more mature. He’d been letting his hair grow over the summer, and it was curly, but still neater than Richie’s. Eddie had grown that summer, and he was finally 5’ 8, although he still looked tiny in comparison to Richie’s 6’2. And his body… he had the body of a runner, thin but healthy, with a strong core and legs.

So now you see why Richie was hesitant to invite him over for a whole night. He wasn’t sure if he’d survive, and sure he was being overdramatic, but it was happening anyways so he had to make it through. 

Eddie knocked on Richie’s front door at about 4 PM, and Richie recommended starting dinner, so that’s what they did. They made steak with potatoes. Richie also tried broiling some broccoli, but it got burnt so he just threw it away, Eddie admonishing him for wasting food.

Richie wanted to make dessert, so he spent hours poring over every cook book on the shelf before finally finding a simple enough chocolate mousse recipe. He made it and did everything the recipe said and it turned out delicious.

When all of dinner was finally ready, they ate at the dining room table, and Richie even cautiously got out candles, trying not to seem too obvious, but Eddie just laughed. The meal was delicious, and they were full when they finished.

Not full enough for popcorn, though, at the movie theater. They saw Jurassic Park and loved it. Richie did feel eyes on him for most of it, and looking out of the corner of his eye, he saw Eddie staring. He tried to ignore it after the movie finished and raved about how good the movie was.

When they got home, neither of them were hungry but they also were at the same time, and so they ate an entire tub of ice cream. It truly was delicious, but to be honest, Richie most treasured sharing a spoon with Eddie.

At 11 PM, Richie said that it was time for bed, so Eddie followed him upstairs and they read comics like they used to in the old days before all of this drama happened. Richie missed those days. Everyone was so happy, and there was never any drama that wasn’t solved within a couple of hours.

Finally Richie actually got tired, and being a gentleman of the highest honor, graciously offered his bed for Eddie to sleep in, since the guest couldn’t sleep on the floor, now could he? A few years ago, or even last year, they would’ve shared a bed together, both hanging on different sides of the bed which was only made for one person. But things were different now, and Richie decided to do the responsible thing and be a good host.

He woke up at 10 AM, and seeing that Eddie was still asleep, Richie just stared for a bit. The sun was shining on the brunette’s face and made his skin positively glow. Richie was very very jealous of Eddie’s clear skin.

Going downstairs, he started breakfast, pancakes and bacon and eggs and all that shit. He hadn’t had breakfast with his Eds in a while, but he still remembered exactly how the boy wanted his eggs.

At 11 AM, Eddie finally came downstairs and seemed surprised that a hot breakfast was waiting for him. He ate everything on his plate and asked for seconds.

After they were done, Richie drove Eddie home, and couldn’t stop thinking about him for the rest of the day.

Or the week.

Or ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS SO SHORT AND BAD I AM SO SO SORRY

**Author's Note:**

> what did you think of this chapter? let me know in the comments :)


End file.
